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“A mermaid does not fear the depths, for she is no stranger of the darkness and the cold. It was the darkness that made her scales shine so brightly, and it was the cold that made her heart so warm. She does not fear the deep because she has been to the bottom and knows that she can rise.” -Mermaid Phantom… AKA Me. This quote I made has gotten surprisingly popular on Pinterest, although I’ve never really explained is before.

We all have those moments in life that nearly break us. I want to open up and share with you a story that I’ve never shared before. The story of how I became Mermaid Phantom. Now, I will warn you, it does talk of Mental Health issues including Eating Disorders, so if you feel that you may be triggered, please refrain from reading further.

In 2017, nearly one year after I got my tail, my life fell apart. I was eagerly awaiting the return of my then boyfriend from his home overseas. He was not only my love, but also my best and only friend. Like many girls, I felt the need to “look nice” for him, so I began working out very hard and started restricting my diet. I thought I had it under control, but a visit to the doctor said otherwise. As it turned out, I had a relapse with my old friend ED, and was severely underweight. Also at this time, I developed an allergy to my silicone contacts and was forced to wear gas-permeable contacts. They did not sit on my eyes right and frequently got trapped in my eyelids for hours at a time. My optometrist claimed that was the best vision solution for me, so I went through life in pain, unable to see and trapped in my own head.

Not surprisingly, my boyfriend came to visit and slowly detached from me. My social anxiety made it difficult for me to be around him for long, and my increasing list of health issues became overwhelming for him… at least, that’s what I assume.

Despite the pain, I started a new job the day after he broke up with me. And for almost an entire year after, I cried every single day. I felt abandoned. My best friend and the person I cared for most left me when I needed him most. 2017 was the worst year of my life. I wanted to die.

However, I am a fighter. I don’t quit. And so, I leaned into my mersona, Phantom. I wanted to become more and more like her… the “ideal self” that I created in mermaid form. I focused building a strong body rather than a “perfect body.” I sought out the help of a therapist, doctors and a new Optometrist. All of this darkness forced me to step up my game and try my best to turn my life around.

And here we are in 2019. Two years later. I have finally forgiven my EX and we even chat from time to time. My vision isn’t 20/20, but I can see again. My body, mind and I still fight, but we get along better than we used to… even if we are still afraid of social situations! My business is thriving, and there are so many new adventures that I can’t wait to tell you about… but best of all? I have made SO many hilarious and kind new friends that I could hug SO tight right now!!

2017 was the worst year yet, and because of that, I am grateful. All that has happened has led me up to now. When you feel like you’ve sunken to the bottom, remember that it is your choice to live in the darkness or to rise up to the light. I am a power girl. ♥

#mermaidvideos #themagiccrafter #PopFlex #Blogilates

DISCLAIMER: This video was created for a contest by Cassey Ho of PopFlex Active. She is the AMAZING and super uplifting face behind the YouTube Channel, Blogilates. If you have not tried any of her workout videos before, then you're really missing out!! Not only do the workouts feel SO GOOD, but all of her videos are very upbeat, visually stunning and feel very much like you're one-on-one with Cassey.

I am NOT sponsored by her brand or company, or whatever... I literally do her workouts everyday, as does my mom. I made my dad do her "Brutal Booty Workout" one day, and he nearly died!! (figuratively, of course!) ♥

Anyways... check out Blogilates if you want. She is a true mermaid at heart, I do think, and I hope to get her to swim with me someday!!

DISCLAIMER 2: My ex is an awesome person and this is in no way meant to degrade him. No person should be with another that they do not feel right with. Although I certainly wasn't at first, I am now very happy that things turned out as they did. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, EVEN IF THAT REASON ISN'T CLEAR STRAIGHT AWAY ♥♥♥ If you are experiencing deep pain or loss, please seek help and remember that this too shall pass!

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